First Contact From Alan
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Fri, 22 Feb 2008 06:13:20 -0700 [02/22/2008 06:13:20 AM MST] |
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Perfect Woman HELP! |
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Subject: Not really a problem, just a disclaimer about my submission Message: Hi Delia, I just wanted to say that my description of the perfect woman is more of a fantasy than an expectation. I wouldn’t want, expect, or wish upon you anything that I wouldn’t do to myself which includes plastic surgery, especially in regard to facial features unless you strongly believe that you want to stay that way even after the dates. I also wouldn’t want you to undergo breast augmentation surgery if it were only for this one project. In contrast to what I’ve submitted, I like not only my fantasy but many other women who don’t fit many of the characteristics (especially physical) of my fantasy. So I basically want to say I really have no expectations. However you show up is ok with me, and whoever you are is ok, too. If you really want to become who I described in my submission, that’s ok, but if not, all or in part, for any reason, that’s ok. If possible, I’d like to know what your description of a perfect man would be. Perhaps I can try to be that person in return. Sincerely,Alan |
When I got this message from Alan, I felt relieved. He seems very nice, open and understanding. I like that he said, ”my description of the perfect woman is more of a fantasy than an expectation.” However, now I’m in the dilemma that many people face. I know what he really likes, but then he says he has no expectations. That leaves me in the difficult position of deciding what he really wants. It’s a little like saying, ”Wow, Jennifer sure is a hottie! Oh, honey, don’t worry. You’re fine just the way you are…”
That’s OK, but I’m just not sure what that will mean as I attempt to be “perfect.”
I’m also intrigued by his request for me to describe my perfect man. As this project has unfolded, it’s brought up that question for me many times. What is my perfect man? I’d like to think it is all sterling qualities and not about looks, but as I looked back on all the men I’ve dated, they’ve been at least my height or taller and physically fit with dark hair and eyes. So, obviously looks are a factor. But really we are visual creatures in a visual culture.
Anyway, I want to give this some serious thought and will have to describe my perfect man in a separate post.
-Your Perfect Woman
February 27th, 2008 at 3:47 pm
It seems to me that the intention of the project is to become what another desires in order to be desired. Each of us expresses our desires through action and in some cases inaction. Allan has expressed his desired perfect woman, and now is clarifying that it is only a fantasy. In that fantasy is his truth and altering it to the state of ‘no expectations’ is side stepping the challenge in my mind.
The potential joy in this project is the journey to what he thinks is his fantasy, and the social discussion of the affect we all have on each other. I see the magazine covers with the faces and bodies of those we are supposed to desire or desire to be. I feel that each of us may become conditioned to think that is what we desire, and in truth the discovery of what is wanted isn’t taken. It is the experience of love and desire in all it’s forms that will leave an imprint on anyone who dares to make the leap.
What if you could create a world in which we all experience joy, love, and happiness just by expressing what you think you desire. In that expression there is the discovery of self and an adventure.
I recently heard that instead of creating stories about our suffering; how about creating stories that would build a world of compassion and love for self.
Love,
Grace
March 5th, 2008 at 1:10 am
Hello, I’ve been watching the development of this site for a while and I have some questions/comments that maybe you could address for me.
1. What’s the point?
This site has the distinct ring of an art project to me, though maybe I have missed my mark. Assuming it is an art project, I would hope that you might provide a bit more of an artist’s statement for your audience/participants. It’s not a psych survey (or at least it isn’t a well designed one) so why leave your agenda hidden?
2. People didn’t vote for “what he really wants”
In this post you point out that you are now in a bind deciding between what he expressed as his “Perfect Woman” in a semi-anonymous post and the prevarications that he made when you contacted him directly via email for clarification. But this bind ignores the fact that a central theme of this project was to let the democratic mass decide which semi-anonymous description they would like to see enacted; have more respect for your audience than that.
This is pretty interesting stuff you are doing here, but to me it seems that you have hedged yourself in in a number of ways that make it very hard for the rest of us to see why we should care.